I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
