just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
