just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
