fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
