Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
