btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
