You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
