I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
