Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
