Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
