the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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