So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
