i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
My ATM looks so different sober.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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