Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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