when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
