If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
he puts the penis in happiness.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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