addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
