She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
