Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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