if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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