Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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