I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
