Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
