Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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