when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
