The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
