Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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