I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
