In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You made out with two different species that night
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
