: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
