Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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