apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
