3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
