we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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