if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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