I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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