One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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