U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
