Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Less talking, more tequila
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
