no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
