Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
