We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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