At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
