Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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