The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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