is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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