Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
