Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
