My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
