Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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