Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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