so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
