he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
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